Post Type: ARTICLES
Unhealthy marriages and divorces are so commonplace today that you may wonder whether a lasting marriage is even possible. Many have entered this institution without preparation to face the inevitable challenges that come with marriage. Unfortunately, according to recent statistics from wedding industry experts (a $1 billion dollar industry), more attention and money is given to planning a $50,000 six-hour wedding than investing time in laying a solid foundation through premarital counseling. Given the staggering statistics of divorce today and the far-reaching impact of marriage on society, more couples today are seeking premarital counseling to prepare them for the journey of marriage before they say “I do”.
Premarital counseling is a service rendered by a professional counselor or trusted clergy person who journeys with the man and woman who are seeking wise counsel in making lifelong decisions. This involves commitment, work, patience and time on the part of all parties involved. Premarital counseling will assess the couple’s family-of-origin history (ethnicity, upbringing, medical, mental, religion/spirituality, etc.), strengths and weaknesses; identify expectations and needs that are important in a marriage, and other relevant topics such as career choices, living arrangements after marriage, financial management, choosing where to serve in ministry, and how to grow spiritually together. One of the benefits of premarital counseling is giving the relationship the time needed to develop properly. Counseling may be unsettling and painful at times as new truths are revealed, confessions are made, vulnerable conversations are fostered and the discomfort of change occurs, which may make or break the relationship.
In practice, the woman is more of the interested party than the man to participate in premarital counseling. I have observed some men to be very reserved and prefer that their personal business is not discussed in the open. Although couples come in with their mind set on their upcoming wedding and to fulfill their church’s requirement, most have found that there were more issues to work on than they anticipated. As a marriage and family therapist, I remind couples not to rush the process of counseling but engage both of them in healthy conversations to look at issues that beset them such as emotional baggage from the past, learn how to listen well and view situations from the other’s perspective, just to name a few.
Whether a couple is newly engaged or have known each other for many years, premarital counseling can prepare them to build a strong foundation and experience a great marriage that goes the distance.
You must be logged in to post a comment.
